So, I should have so much to say after not posting for a few weeks. And I really do. If you’ve talked to me in person you would know that I’ve been doing really well, but for some reason it is really draining to try to sum up all that’s going on in a few paragraphs on the computer screen. I finished OWV successfully, immediately flew to Romania, had an awesome time there, and now I’m trying to get back into the swing of things here… it’s difficult. This summer has been crazy, and seriously has been everything I would have NEVER expected it to be.
I am so silly because I view myself as this totally unstable person – constantly seeking the next place that I can run to, job I can attain, school or major to pursue – and I always end up doing something I could have never imagined doing a few months earlier. Yet I am still constantly trying to plan my life way in advance. Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about my future after graduation. This is natural for me, since I have been experiencing things I have never experienced before, wondering if I could ever see myself doing these things permanently, wondering what options to pursue with the degree I will hopefully achieve, wondering if I should or shouldn’t pursue these dreams alone. But I am so ridiculous because I KNOW it’s impossible for me to plan my own life that far ahead. And for that reason, I’ve been trying so, so hard to focus on the present, and on what I can and hopefully will be doing in the next few months (which I consider to be the present). I’m not used to that.
Aside from the fruitless soul-searching, things have been going really well lately. West Virginia continues to be an interesting experience for me as I am learning a lot about what I view as a healthy church and also what my role is/should/could be in ministry. I spent most of my day today at a women’s ministries conference which I knew from the beginning was going to drive me crazy (a room packed full of women is NOT a good thing, I’m convinced), but it was encouraging to be reminded of things that I can hopefully be involved in when I go back home, whether leading a women’s group or just being a part of one. And two other interns had to suffer through the event with me, so that made it a little more enjoyable.
I love it here, but it’s getting hard to focus on the people and needs here when I know I’m going home in a month. I am jealous that Bryan leaves for Jamaica on Tuesday, Lynnea’s in England, Dad’s still in Romania, Mom’s at home, and I am here. It’s hard to focus here when Romania’s still on my mind. I SO wish I could still be there, and I really hope that I have the opportunity to participate in something like it again. I basically spent my whole time there helping at an evangelistic English Language camp and it went really well. It was totally different being over there, but at the same time it was not that hard to adjust after adjusting to WV. The hardest part was not knowing the language and being able to communicate easily. But if I could choose what to do with myself after I finish college, I would seriously love to run or work at evangelistic camps like this overseas for college-aged students through InterVarsity or Campus Crusade or something. I am so drawn to college students (which I guess is a given) and also to camp ministries (surprised?). There are so many things I would love to do – I don’t want to go back to school! Aghghgh…. This is me thinking about the future again. See my problem?
This is a little bit of an update, if anyone tries to check what’s going on with me anymore. I have tons of pictures that I took but they are with Dad in Romania still. When I get them from him I’ll post some, but that will probably be a few weeks. I have also decided that I need to start making goals and commitments to myself. I have an incredible lack of self-discipline so I made a short list of things I’d like to accomplish sooner than later, and I am going to see how well I can work on them. Hopefully this will make me feel less like I waste my life sitting around drinking coffee-concoctions at Starbucks all the time and more like I am becoming a well-rounded person. That is such a silly phrase. It’s getting late for this jetlagged girl, and I am tired of watching the massive spider that has lived outside of my window all summer. Goodnight.
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