the brown part of the dock

I am being sentimental about camp again. I want to write a whole bunch about everything that I miss about it and how much I was influenced by this place during what I view as the 5 most important developmental years of my life, but I know I would never stop and I would never go to bed. And I need to do that now, instead of pouring all my feelings onto the computer screen again like I just did in an email to Les.

It's unbelievable how I have fooled myself by considering myself to be a person with few attachments. Earlier this year while I was thinking about the last few years of my life I came to the conclusion that I am able to leave things easily, like I don't get too attached to many people/places. This is so completely untrue. My mind thought this way: I didn't care much about high school and had no problem leaving it early to go to college; it wasn't hard to leave Crown and go to Trinity; it didn't seem that hard to leave Trinity, but all this time I have been lying to myself. When I was at Trinity I DID miss Crown, and when I was at Crown again I really missed Trinity (I know that is weird), and it's true that I did leave both to come to River Falls, but I am totally still attached to both places.

I didn't really realize that I felt this way until a friend that I met last semester decided to take this semester off. I've transferred so many times, I had no idea what it felt like to be the one seeing a friend leave. That's related to my attachment to things in a different way. But while I was thinking about camp tonight I realized that it is the one thing or place that I am attached to the most. I miss the colleges and other places I've lived, but I am attached to camp in ways that probably only Lynnea and Lester really understand. We will never have any more secret talks on the brown part of the dock. I can't really explain this attachment any more than this. Maybe I would feel better if I bought my own piece of brown dock. We could sit on it in my room.